New Post: What is Self-Love?
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All of us already possess self-love. How do I know? Take your mind back to the behavior of a toddler. What’s their favorite word?
All of us already possess self-love. How do I know? Take your mind back to the behavior of a toddler. What’s their favorite word?
SELF-LOVE…..? I DON’T GET IT
I couldn’t grasp what exactly my family members and mentors were getting at when they told me to love myself more. I mean, I wasn’t harming myself or neglecting my life. I was actually trying to plan a better future for my life by doing well in college. I was budgeting my very small paychecks so that I could get what I needed. People liked me, so I thought I must be a good person.
Despite that, there was a frequent nagging feeling inside of me that I couldn’t break. The feeling of being used and taken for granted. An even worse feeling was……………………..click HERE to continue reading…………………………….
See you there!
Miss Latreil Jackson 🙂
About this time of the year (end of January), most people are just coming off of binge spending for the holidays and going crazy over the sales after the holidays. By the middle of January they’re living paycheck to paycheck (sometimes barely making it to the next paycheck) and their checking accounts could use a gift from grandma.
Is this you?
Well I don’t do holidays, but there are times of the year when I am a little more stressed about how much money I have in my account than I am other times of the year. You know, things come up; car repairs, concerts, a cute pair of shoes, etc. These things aren’t usually planned for in your “budget”….
Wait…. Do you have a budget set up???
I hope you do and if you don’t you need one now! Not Monday, not next month, RIGHT NOW!
Having a budget is imperative to knowing where your money is going and it keeps you conscious of your spending habits, if you use it correctly. If you know that you have allocated $50 for entertainment per month, you will be picky about which type of entertainment you decide to enjoy that month. If you feel that you want to enjoy some entertainment that goes over your $50 entertainment budget, you may want to borrow some money from your clothes or take-out budget by spending less in these areas.
Having this proactive attitude about your money requires discipline and SELF-LOVE. You could be walking around broke all the time, asking your friends and family for “$20 til payday” with late fees and overdraft fees added to your already negative account because you forgot about those automated bills when you were on a swipe frenzy. It felt good to go shopping, but you didn’t budget for that kind of spending. As a result, a nice little chunk of your next paycheck goes straight to fees; more expenses not in your budget.
Do you like this feeling of defeat and desperation? Why keep depriving your future self of love by abusing your own money now? You only get a set amount each month so you have to spend within your means, taking care of the important expenses first.
I had had my battle with overdraft fees for the longest time and realized that I was doing it to myself. It seemed like I wanted to pay an extra $35-$50 every month, while already broke and in college. I was not dignifying my abilities to be a slow and patient spender and a responsible adult. I didn’t love myself enough to stop wasting money on instant gratifications and focus on how I could make sure all my bills were covered.
The change started when I was getting money in cash from my side tutoring business. I wanted to track and record that money for later reference (but mainly just to marvel at the amount of money I was making on my own, lol). Once I decided to make a spreadsheet to record my tutoring income, I just threw my whole money cycle in there. Every source of income, bill and expense was recorded, even loans and money gifts. I was becoming quite obsessed with where all my money went and with exactly how much money I was making each month.
I created the budget sheet on Google Sheets with all the connecting formulas and downloaded the app onto my phone so that whenever I spent money, it would go straight onto my budget sheet. It was fun and fulfilling knowing that I was taking steps to having a better relationship with my money. I didn’t think too much about self-love then, but once I saw the results of me watching my money, I didn’t stress about it anymore.
I faithfully stuck to a budget for about 1.5 years. I didn’t spend much money on extra stuff, just the essentials. All my bills were paid on time and I had no fees. I wasn’t making a lot of money but managed to have a little bit left over at the end of each month. I also read up on personal finance to give me some guidance and motivation to keep going.
Your spending habits is a reflection of who you are. There may be some things you know off hand that you like to buy on a regular basis (I love to buy Ferrero Rochers!). However, sometimes you just don’t know where you spend all of your money. If you feel like you don’t know where all your money goes but your have half of a new wardrobe every month, then you need to ask yourself if all these new clothes are necessary. How will you cut back on clothes shopping?
Let’s say you’re tight on money sooner in the month than you thought, but you forgot that you spent $100 on an new tire that unexpectedly went flat. You should ask yourself, how can I be ready for financial surprises like this next time?
Budgeting is about planning. And we all know that when we plan and prepare, our stress level for an event is 10 notches lower than it would be if we didn’t plan at all and that event came by surprise.
Budgeting is also about self-evaluation. When we get real with ourselves and honestly evaluate our reasons for spending with the goal to eradicate foolishness, we’ll stress less and prove to ourselves that well-being is more important than a new exercise outfit.
I really want you to reap the benefits of having a budget. To make it easy, I am providing you with the same spreadsheet I use to record all of my expenses. Please modify and customize it to match your personal money cycle. Click the link at the bottom of this post for the download to Google Drive.
***I’ll be adding to this list as I think of more tips.
I don’t know if I’m the only one but I guess I, in a sense, tripped somewhere towards the end of 2016 and just landed into the second week of 2017. That’s when I came to my senses and realized it was a new year.
I wasn’t really excited, or inspired, or motivated to do anything on the night of December 31st. I just sat on my bed, twisted my newly installed locs on my own for the first time (installed November 2, 2016) and listened to people all around my city practice their fireworks.
Then the moment of truth hit me when the great explosion of annoyance flooded my ears at 12 am on January 1, 2017. It was officially a new year. What was I about to change, improve, or implement?
I had done a better job at this at the end of 2015 by writing out my goals, ambitions and improvements. This year I didn’t know what I was about to do. And I was almost through the second week of 2017 before I even thought about it again.
I have a data entry job, which is 8 hours of mind-numbing repetition. Because of my current line of work, I like to listen to YouTube videos on various topics, mainly on motivation, relationships, making money, being an introvert, and more.
One day during the second week of the month, I came across a TEDx talk by Mel Robbins. As I listened, I was so captivated by her dynamic and energetic delivery that I literally stopped working and stared at my computer screen for like 7 minutes.
The title was How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over and what she discussed hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt so guilty because I had been telling myself these principles for so long, but just neglected to implement them. As a result, I was greatly slowing the progress in my life. On purpose.
I want you to watch it for yourself to get the full impact of her presentation. It’s about 20 minutes long. Before you watch though, here are a few highlights:
So after watching this life-changing TEDx Talk, you know I had to stalk her and find out everything I could about Mel Robbins, my new heroine. I watched more of her talks and interviews on other YouTube channels and I found out that she is a CNN commentator and a motivational and keynote speaker.
She also has her own YouTube channel in which she seems to update regularly. One VIDEO in particular was about starting 2017 by reflecting on 2016 so that we can focus our energies on improving and having the best year ever, at least better than last year. Her and her husband made free downloadable self-assessment guide where we focus on:
Watch the video HERE and download her self-assessment guide (PDF format) Your Best Year Ever 2017 by clicking the link in the description section below her video.
You can also download the self-assessment guide HERE or by clicking the picture below.
I’ve shared this new year guide with everyone I know will take advantage of it; friends, family, and YOU! I haven’t started mine yet (because my brain is constantly an explosion of thoughts) but after reviewing it, I’ve definitely begun to think about the answers to some of these questions. It can get a little embarrassing. But that’s a good thing.
Don’t be like me. Start right away or as soon as you can. I’m going to take at least 10 minutes per day and answer a few questions, starting tonight.
Look out for my update on what I’ve learned from this self-assessment guide by subscribing to my blog.
Also check my book list HERE to see Mel’s book Stop Saying You’re Fine.
P.S. Leave a comment letting me know what you think of the self-assessment guide and be sure to share this with others.
My 13-year-old self read all the time. I loved reading books that I could relate to or learn something from, books that could take me to another world or allow me to live in another person’s life for 15 minutes, or however long I felt like reading and lingering on those new mental visuals.
I even read some books I wasn’t allowed to read (ie. The Coldest Winter Ever and Boss Lady). These I guarded with my life… under my pillow, of course. I would have been in big trouble if my parents ever found out that I was reading about gangs, street life, drugs and hood love. However, they still taught me about real life stuff that was going on even my own neighborhood that I would, more than likely, never experience.
Another book I remember vividly is entitled The Skin I’m In by Sharon G. Flake. I think it was suggested by a teacher or parent, not sure. But as I read, I felt myself relating to the main character, Meleeka, and actually feeling like I knew her. I saw myself in her personality and struggles, being a black, shy girl with family problems who is not really socially popular. I always felt there was something about me that made me unlikable by the majority, but reading this book helped me to see that I’m not the only one, and that the only thing I lacked was self-confidence. It cracked open the window of curiosity and exploration of who I was. That’s what reading can do to you.
As I entered high school and took on more difficult courses, my time for personal reading was greatly diminished. College, forget about it. However, I was introduced to a new level of reading and critical thinking. Although the books weren’t on my own reading list, I was still able to gain great insight and even rewire my brain to think differently on certain topics, all due to challenging my content.
Now I am an adult and still deal with some of the same personal issues as I did when I was in middle school. The life events I chose didn’t really give me time to care about actively improving the effects of me being an introvert, self-conscious, a people pleaser, an overdraft fee payer, indecisive, procrastinator.
I mean, yes I did mature and adapt to new environments which by default forced to me to improve on my flaws in some ways. Even so, those flaws still remained because I wasn’t conscious of them and didn’t purposefully give the renovation of them meaningful attention and energy.
The difference between now and just a few years ago, is time. Before, I was operating on auto-pilot, stretched every which way to fulfill the needs of others, getting little personal benefit in return. In contrast, now I have the time to watch myself make the same mistakes and get the same results over and over again. Now I have time to learn why I behave this way and read about others who did too but have learned to stop and commit to more determined and results-driven lives. I want that type of life.
And right after reading is application. That’s the definition of wisdom: applied knowledge.
I have a book list and would love for you to check it out and offer suggestions. These books include some that I have read and others that I really want to read. The topics reflect my personal goals and vary from self-help to personal finance to health and fitness. After I read each book I’ll write a blog post giving a review of what I’ve learned and how I will apply it.
I feel like I’m beginning my Marathon of Growth. Endurance is key. Join me, will ya? Click below to visit
Miss Jackson 🙂
The day was January 5, 2017. I had waken up early on a weekday and I knew I was going to do it. I had been grappling with the idea and then playing it out in my mind, first thinking how terrifying it would be to watch myself and hear myself talk to myself in the mirror. Tears came to my eyes every time I heard those three words in my head.
I get compliments most days by people I love and know and by some I don’t know at all. The attention usually goes to my recently upgraded style of dress and the way I interact with others. However, not so frequently do I hear the words “I love you”. When this phrase does get around to me again, it’s placed right before a “…goodbye” or a “…goodnight”. It’s like the person was thinking of saying it for a while and right before they ended the conversation is when they knew it was their last chance to squeeze it in. Honestly, I know those feelings well because my ‘I love you’s live in that spot.
But why are we so hesitant to say I love you, especially to those we truly love, like our family members? Maybe I can research this and write a more in-depth post later because this really puzzles me. Since this is a fact based on experience, I’ve been feeling some neglect in the love department, like my spirit is missing a little tender attention.
In my search of trying to figure out how to replenish that, I came across a few blogs and YouTube videos on building value in one’s self, and respecting and loving one’s self. These broad tasks greatly intrigued me, but their nature of ambiguity took me straight to Google in a quest to narrow down exactly what they meant and what I had to do to benefit from them.
I found numerous headlines, one being 21 Tips to Release Neglect and Love Yourself in Action. The items on these lists were so refreshing to see AGAIN because I’ve been trying to incorporate some of them for so long. One that stood out to me in the cited list is number 1, to “Begin your day with love (not technology)”. I thought, what better way than to face my fear and actually show myself love by saying “I love you” to my very face.
It sounds funny but it wasn’t easy. That morning, I prolonged the feat a little by washing my face and brushing my teeth first. After my face was almost dry and I was ready to walk back to my room I looked up with bashful eyes, smiled and said it:
Then I giggled a little and floated to my room. My heart melted as if my dream boyfriend had finally made the decision to let me know his deepest feelings, that he accepted me for who I was and he was happy to be around me. The only difference is that, IT’S ME! I’m the one who loves me when no one else does and I will be the one who says it when no one else will.
I haven’t said it again since that day. Like I said before and as you’ve likely noticed, I waited until the last possible moment to just get it out. My next task is to dignify the phrase to a position it should be where it comes first and/or randomly towards myself and towards the ones I love.
I will update with my next experience of telling myself “I love you” and hopefully by then it will become a good, self-loving habit.